I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize