I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
