Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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