dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
