Barsexuality is the new black.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
