i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
