I'm lost and stupid without you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
