Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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