We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
