I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
that may or may not have been my penis.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
