when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
