Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
