Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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