I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
