i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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