I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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