the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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