I will die if light touches me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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