I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
