You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
