well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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