Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
