Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
