glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
