I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
