I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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