He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
