At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
