Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
