i already hear my dad disowning me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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