we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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