Princesses don't give blow jobs
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
