sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
