Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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