I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Randomize
