GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
