He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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