i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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