i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
