Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize