New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
