We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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