ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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