So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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