So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
