This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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