just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
