The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
