Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
