im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
