Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you mean i was at the winter classic?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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