toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
