also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we're making bets on your personal life
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
