he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize