omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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