so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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