I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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