She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
