it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
