I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
