"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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