If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
