Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
