I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
