a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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