this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
