But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
